The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
