did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
