I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
