Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
