I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
