Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
