All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
