somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
