The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
