the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
