she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
