ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
