Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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