I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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