ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she looked like the before picture.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize