You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
