we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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