Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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