how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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