Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Randomize
