11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
