i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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