Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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