I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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