I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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