a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
