I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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