How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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