did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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