she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
