no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
