I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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