I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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