Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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