she woke up with a sticky ear
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
