Someone shit on the floor
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
