Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
