She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
