It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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