He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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