I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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