and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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