Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
