Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Randomize
