Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
