Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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