Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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