dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
But theres a keg here and me gusta
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Randomize
