I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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