I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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