well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
