I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
