What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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