3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
not ubering you a puppy
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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