You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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