Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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