Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
