i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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