Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
