i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize