you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
