Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
