What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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