Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Welp...herpes.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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