BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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