I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
